Chewin'

the News

October 2001

Glossary of Kids' Kitchen Terms

APPETIZING:
Anything advertised on TV.

BOIL:
The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic "Yuck" before a food is even tasted.

CASSEROLE:
Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.

CHAIR:
Spot left vacant by mid-meal bathroom visit.

COOKIE (LAST ONE):
Item that must be eaten in front of a sibling.

CRUST:
Part of a sandwich saved for the starving children of China, India, Africa, or Europe (check one).

DESSERTS:
The reason for eating a meal.

EVAPORATE:
Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.

FAT:
Microscopic substance detected visually by children on pieces of meat they do not wish to eat.

FLOOR:
Place for all food not found on lap or chair.

FORK:
Eating utensil made obsolete by discovery of fingers.

FRIED FOODS:

Gourmet cooking

FROZEN:
Condition of children's jaws when Spinach is served.

FRUIT:
A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.

GERMS:
The only thing kids will share freely.

KITCHEN:
The only room not used when eating crumbly snacks.

LEFTOVERS:
Commonly described as "gross."

LIVER:
A food that affects genes, creating a hereditary dislike.

LOLLIPOP:
A snack provided by people who don't have to pay dental bills.

MACARONI:
Material for a collage.

MEASURING CUP:
A kitchen utensil that is stored in the sandbox.

METRIC:
A system of measurement that will be accepted only after forty years wandering in the desert.

NAPKIN:
Any warm cloth object, such as shirt or pants.

NATURAL FOOD:
Food eaten with unwashed hands.

NUTRITION:
Secret war waged by parents using direct commands, camouflage, and constant guard duty.

PLATE:
A breakable Frisbee.

REFRIGERATOR:
A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when
not being used as an art gallery.

SALIVA:
A medium for blowing bubbles.

SODA POP:
Shake'N Spray.

TABLE:
A place for storing gum.

TABLE LEG:
Percussion instrument.

THIRSTY:
How your child feels after you've said your final "good night."

VEGETABLE:
A basic food known to satisfy kid's hunger -- but only by sight.

WATER:
The cola of underdeveloped countries.

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